Close My Eyes

When the mind goes quiet - there you are.

A spiritual.

As a human, lumped with the ole’ human condition, I am prone to pre-occupation with the self. As in, - I think. A self is thinking. I think therefore I (think) I am. A person thinks it is here - on it’s own with it’s own thoughts and individual life. It contradicts oneness. This self.

Gosh I don’t want to come off as boring, but people do this shit. Think too much, feel a little too much, what ever.

But still, for me to pretend I’m not afraid of losing this tiny mad idea of me, to the oneness of abstract eternal love is to lie to myself. I AM scared of it, though I know that through the gentle approach of looking at my shitty little life without giving myself too much of a hard time and taking it all too seriously, I will become more peaceful. I actually like the idea of that.

The Jesus of A Course In Miracles asks only that you look. Just look. Be aware. If you can look at your anger, your body and it’s frailty, symbolised by the hurt and damaged laid upon those in conflict zones and strife the world over, then who is looking? Certainly not the ego. Not the small self. Not ‘me’.

Let the grief come. Don’t fight the small self - it is one with this horror as I can testify just a small amount - with my ageing body and multiple surgeries from physical trauma.

Let the grief and the shock and the outrage come. Let the ego in me curse people who don’t ‘care’ like I do like it’s a compassion competition. Let the madness of it all give me poor sleep. But also let me watch with the idea of the undying formless spirit not phased at all. Just watching. Let me hold that somewhere in a quiet mind I will know the truth of this, as I did once - 30 years ago during a holy Epiphany in suburban Melbourne during early evening in a back yard. Where the person who saw it wash over me realised I was gone for the briefest of time and before him was the Love of God and he cried in my arms like a child. I don’t have belief anymore after that. I just have resistance.

God is real and I will disappear/blend into his holy mind/spirit when I am good and ready.

Currently I am not. Since that moment years ago I have realised that the end may be revealed to some but the means (practice - using your life) makes it a permanent state. For now - it’s chocolate biscuits, coffee, masturbation, goals, substack, music, worry, wordplay, analysis, computers, permaculture, being smug, being annoyed at ‘normies’, fighting ‘the system’ and generally being a fuckwit lite.

I am the resistance. Viva la Résistance.

Oh my god there’s no way I can win. I should be grateful for that.

But I can hold on and write another song!

Close My Eyes

Dm, C, G7, Dm, C, Gm7

(V1)

Here I sit, bound to chair

Burning room smoke fills the air

I can’t breath suffocate

Rescue me It’s not too late

Don’t hesitate I’m trapped in here

Body is the seat of fear

I don’t know what to do

But Lord I know I need you

Forget the fire. Extinguish me

I’m so small, cease to be

Singeing hair, scolded skin

Electric Nerves all suffering

Thoughts the captor. Bolted the door

But you’re the key brother, I implore…

Save my mind take my hand

Like my Lighthouse back to land

(Chorus)

I Close my eyes with you

Bend the knee with you

Hope to die with you

Close my eyes with you

(Verse2)

Suckerpunch trick tried it on

My delay I write this song

Naked truth burns to me - I

Grip this personality

Cant let, wont let, cant let go

Invisible hell-fire my ego

Everyone else is just the same

If we could only speak your name

(Chorus)

I Close my eyes with you

Bend the knee with you

Hope to die with you

Close my eyes with you

We all shuffle cards play the same game, Nothin’s really happening so I can’t be ashamed

Devil is detail an evry single name, separates from the source says we aren’t the same

Binding us together is burning and our pain, eventually bend the knee to love I can’t explain

Can I dress a pig in lipstick and a suit? No I’ll never know Nirvana never taste it’s fruit